from now on my penis is your penis
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
