you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
