you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
