you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
