perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
