I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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