my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
