Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
