sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
