I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
