Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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