What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
vagina is talking i cant
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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