there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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