You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
