So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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