So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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