listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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