Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
