youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The adults are the big ones right?
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