I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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