The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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