im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
