I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
