Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
