Do you still have your period?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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