Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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