Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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