No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so that wasnt chicken after all
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
