guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
