her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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