don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
