ugly people sure do ruin things
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
