He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I will be naked everywhere
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
