It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
