I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
