You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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