After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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