I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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