don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
