My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish my penis had a tongue
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize