you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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