I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
