google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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