i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
