your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
