Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we should paint friendship bongs
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize