like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
