I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
