yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
