Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
