There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
