its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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