Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
