We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
