Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
