Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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