You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
