Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
