just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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