i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
