How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
