your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
