I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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