She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
