how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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