i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you have to choose: penises or morals?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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