? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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