i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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