2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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