yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
