I'm really into asian looking animals
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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