she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
