awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
