This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
