Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
