i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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