My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
