I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
