So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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