youre lurking in front of me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
